(True confession time?) Too much Reality – time for new dreams, setting goals (do I dare?) from Mom Kim

Mom Kim here - I’ve always said that I am not a pessimist nor am I an optimist but because of different things I have been through, beginning in 1976 with the onset of my disabilities, I have developed into a REALIST.

 I’ve been thinking – considering what life was like for, not just me but the B-bratz as well, just 5 short years ago.  The main focus I had then was taking Shiloh on visits to the nursing home and at a hospice

(Here is me & Shiloh participating in a Relay For Life a few years ago - I am also a melanoma survivor - I still had to use a Halti on him - NOT used for about 7 years and I am so glad - got tired of people asking me why he was wearing a muzzle - he has his therapy vest on)

Diva Shasta was really just beginning her career as a therapy dog

 (In fact this pic was taken after her first successful eval on 10/3/09 for therapy dog and she also passed her Canine Good Citizen test 

so of course mom was very proud.)

and wasn’t quite sure what to make of it all – because she was so new to that environment and still a bit timid, I kept our visits a bit shorter.  We only visited at the hospice day program where she would not have to be exposed to all the equipment and noise usually found in a nursing home environment.  I would also take turns with them walking through the neighborhood several times each week – usually now the only exercise they get is out in the backyard with OCCASIONAL trips to Petsmart or the vet - as well as NO therapy dog visiting.

So thinking back, beginning in late December of 2009 (post Christmas) and into the new year of 2010, things began to change – and it would not be good changes..  That was when the reality of my vision problems began to take over my life – and I let that also affect the life of the Beaglebratz and our interactions WITH life.

Now I know that in the time since, some of you have read my posts that really detailed those vision problems – the two fungal infections I had – each separate in two different years but in the same eye and the stem cell and cornea transplant that followed each infection.  And there was also the once worsening but now somewhat stable overall condition of that eye since the last stem cell transplant in 2013.   Then in September, 2013, something different happened - during a “routine” eye doctor visit, my doctor suspected (correctly I might add) that I had developed a skin cancer on my nose – near the corner of my eye.  After it was removed and plastic surgery done, it seemed like I developed improved skin/muscle tone on that side of my face – the same side as my troubled eye.  I was concerned that maybe that surgery and skin cancer might have a negative effect on my eye however it appears that just the opposite has happened.  Ok, then something I thought REALLY strange happened in early December of 2013 – I passed out AT WORK!  After that, even more strange to me – I was taken by ambulance to the ER where something MORE strange – after some tests which essentially were normal except for my low blood pressure, the doctor ADMITTED me for observation over-night (like something you read about or watch on tv but would not ever happen to you).  No one ever really found out the real cause however low blood pressure and dehydration were suspected. (I just wanted to interject something here - I took a minute just now to go bak and re-read all the comments of concern and well-wishes that were left when I first posted about THIS SCARY PASSING-OUT EPISODE - not sure I ever posted my thanx for YOUR comments so

THANK YOU !!!!      

Also - I want to THANK ALL OF YOU for all of your caring, concern, prayers, POTP and PURRS over these past 5 years (no - not going anywhere) just not sure I could ever say thank you enough.

 Ok – enough of all the drama of the last 5 years – now moving on and looking forward, which is basically something I have not allowed myself to do much of (looking forward) – during these past 5 years it seemed like everytime I started looking forward and even tentatively making a plan or two, something got in the way to put a halt to it so I soon got to the point where plans and dreams just became a thing of the past.  I can’t remember for sure where I first read this quote but I think I know now why I wrote it down so I would remember it for future use – it fits perfectly in this post

"You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream."  C.S. Lewis

  Right now is like one of those “aha” moments – I knew what it meant from the moment I first read it and I think there was a part of me that wanted to believe it HOWEVER there was another part (pretty sure it was a bigger part) that borders on the realist/pessimist and yes, even the depressed part of me saying “Yeah right, maybe for others”.

Ok so I am sure there are some who are wondering why I put this here on the blog – after all, shouldn’t a blog post be about dog stuff and pet stuff – the blog is called Team Beaglebratz and the Beaglebratz are the dogs and when I do post, I try to post about more up-beat stuff (of course that's all the Beaglebratz know for the most part)  Well, first of all, I – the MOM – am also a member of our TEAM and what affects MY life also affects the Beaglebratz. ACTUALLY - I'm not really that sure why I wanted to share this here - after all, I do have plenty of other things to post about and so do the Beaglebratz.  I think I was kind of stuck - I had some of these same thoughts floating around in my head for awhile now and maybe it was gonna take putting them down in black and white to get past this.  I have been feeling like life is passing me by - AND I'M LETTING IT!  As for getting back into therapy visits with the Beaglebratz - not sure yet as to what extent we all can do that. Shiloh will be 12 in March next year and he needs to be re-evaluated first but I know he misses it as well as misses his walks - yes, he has a bad day every so often with his back BUT we can cross that bridge when it happens; he never has officially retired from therapy work and I would like to give him that opportunity.  Whereas Diva Shasta still has her registration as a therapy dog and when we do go to Petsmart, she is fine when around other people SOOOO all we can do really is just try - WHAT AM I SCARED OF??? And that is mostly what it is all about!

Ok - that is more than enuf - if you read this all - I commend you.