Sunday, October 19, 2014

(True confession time?) Too much Reality – time for new dreams, setting goals (do I dare?) from Mom Kim

Mom Kim here - I’ve always said that I am not a pessimist nor am I an optimist but because of different things I have been through, beginning in 1976 with the onset of my disabilities, I have developed into a REALIST.

 I’ve been thinking – considering what life was like for, not just me but the B-bratz as well, just 5 short years ago.  The main focus I had then was taking Shiloh on visits to the nursing home and at a hospice

(Here is me & Shiloh participating in a Relay For Life a few years ago - I am also a melanoma survivor - I still had to use a Halti on him - NOT used for about 7 years and I am so glad - got tired of people asking me why he was wearing a muzzle - he has his therapy vest on)

Diva Shasta was really just beginning her career as a therapy dog
 (In fact this pic was taken after her first successful eval on 10/3/09 for therapy dog and she also passed her Canine Good Citizen test 
so of course mom was very proud.)
and wasn’t quite sure what to make of it all – because she was so new to that environment and still a bit timid, I kept our visits a bit shorter.  We only visited at the hospice day program where she would not have to be exposed to all the equipment and noise usually found in a nursing home environment.  I would also take turns with them walking through the neighborhood several times each week – usually now the only exercise they get is out in the backyard with OCCASIONAL trips to Petsmart or the vet - as well as NO therapy dog visiting.

So thinking back, beginning in late December of 2009 (post Christmas) and into the new year of 2010, things began to change – and it would not be good changes..  That was when the reality of my vision problems began to take over my life – and I let that also affect the life of the Beaglebratz and our interactions WITH life.

Now I know that in the time since, some of you have read my posts that really detailed those vision problems – the two fungal infections I had – each separate in two different years but in the same eye and the stem cell and cornea transplant that followed each infection.  And there was also the once worsening but now somewhat stable overall condition of that eye since the last stem cell transplant in 2013.   Then in September, 2013, something different happened - during a “routine” eye doctor visit, my doctor suspected (correctly I might add) that I had developed a skin cancer on my nose – near the corner of my eye.  After it was removed and plastic surgery done, it seemed like I developed improved skin/muscle tone on that side of my face – the same side as my troubled eye.  I was concerned that maybe that surgery and skin cancer might have a negative effect on my eye however it appears that just the opposite has happened.  Ok, then something I thought REALLY strange happened in early December of 2013 – I passed out AT WORK!  After that, even more strange to me – I was taken by ambulance to the ER where something MORE strange – after some tests which essentially were normal except for my low blood pressure, the doctor ADMITTED me for observation over-night (like something you read about or watch on tv but would not ever happen to you).  No one ever really found out the real cause however low blood pressure and dehydration were suspected. (I just wanted to interject something here - I took a minute just now to go bak and re-read all the comments of concern and well-wishes that were left when I first posted about THIS SCARY PASSING-OUT EPISODE - not sure I ever posted my thanx for YOUR comments so
THANK YOU !!!!      
Also - I want to THANK ALL OF YOU for all of your caring, concern, prayers, POTP and PURRS over these past 5 years (no - not going anywhere) just not sure I could ever say thank you enough.
 Ok – enough of all the drama of the last 5 years – now moving on and looking forward, which is basically something I have not allowed myself to do much of (looking forward) – during these past 5 years it seemed like everytime I started looking forward and even tentatively making a plan or two, something got in the way to put a halt to it so I soon got to the point where plans and dreams just became a thing of the past.  I can’t remember for sure where I first read this quote but I think I know now why I wrote it down so I would remember it for future use – it fits perfectly in this post
"You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream."  C.S. Lewis
  Right now is like one of those “aha” moments – I knew what it meant from the moment I first read it and I think there was a part of me that wanted to believe it HOWEVER there was another part (pretty sure it was a bigger part) that borders on the realist/pessimist and yes, even the depressed part of me saying “Yeah right, maybe for others”.

Ok so I am sure there are some who are wondering why I put this here on the blog – after all, shouldn’t a blog post be about dog stuff and pet stuff – the blog is called Team Beaglebratz and the Beaglebratz are the dogs and when I do post, I try to post about more up-beat stuff (of course that's all the Beaglebratz know for the most part)  Well, first of all, I – the MOM – am also a member of our TEAM and what affects MY life also affects the Beaglebratz. ACTUALLY - I'm not really that sure why I wanted to share this here - after all, I do have plenty of other things to post about and so do the Beaglebratz.  I think I was kind of stuck - I had some of these same thoughts floating around in my head for awhile now and maybe it was gonna take putting them down in black and white to get past this.  I have been feeling like life is passing me by - AND I'M LETTING IT!  As for getting back into therapy visits with the Beaglebratz - not sure yet as to what extent we all can do that. Shiloh will be 12 in March next year and he needs to be re-evaluated first but I know he misses it as well as misses his walks - yes, he has a bad day every so often with his back BUT we can cross that bridge when it happens; he never has officially retired from therapy work and I would like to give him that opportunity.  Whereas Diva Shasta still has her registration as a therapy dog and when we do go to Petsmart, she is fine when around other people SOOOO all we can do really is just try - WHAT AM I SCARED OF??? And that is mostly what it is all about!

Ok - that is more than enuf - if you read this all - I commend you.



Charliedownunder said...

Charlie's Mum, Lynn, here, Kim. How could I not read this?? You don't need to commend me. I too write my thoughts down and I always feel better when I do. I really feel for you and hope that you can now set that other goal and dream a new dream. Don't be scared any more Kim ...... just do it, whatever it is you want to do. I'll be thinking of you and those two adorable babies of yours.

Julie said...

We read all the way to the bottom and we agree with Charlie, don't be scared, life is there to enjoy, just go do it !
Loves and licky kisses
Princess Leah xxx

Laika said...

My mom did read it all too. And she thinks the same, go for your goal and allow yourself to feel better.

Unknown said...

We so agree. Onwards and upwards and be good to yourself as you so deserve it. Have a serene and easy Sunday.
Best wishes Molly

speedyrabbit said...

Go for it Life is too Short,you have to make the most of it,we are with you 100%all the way!xx Speedy and Rachel

Sandra said...

i read every word, you had me at the word Realist... I say that all the time, most say i am a pessimist, i say realist. i have many of the same thoughts you have here. but not the problems with my eyes or any major health issues other than OLD age..achey bones etc. i to sometime feel i am letting life pass me by but i am happy doing it. i find now i am happy to stay home and do computer/TV and reading my kindle. others think i am depressed because i don't go out much, but i don't think a person who is happy can be depressed. so do what you want to do and that saying is true, we are never to old to do anything we want to do. so if there is something you want to do by all means do it.. i love your blog

SissySees said...

I read far more than I comment, but this resonated with me and I am really inspired by your candor and courage. I too am battling eye problems - nothing severe thanks to rapid diagnosis and treatment, but I am stressed out and believe I need to change jobs so I have more time and energy for the dogs and the things I truly love. Wishing you all the best!!

Millie and Walter said...

We think you should do whatever makes you happy. We bet the Beaglebratz would do great therapy work with you.

Cowspotdog said...

It also resonated with me too. Having spent all of 2010 in hospital and the ongoing and what often seems never ending problem since then - it is hard to try and look forward when you doing your best to just make it through each day. It is also hard to start things because you jut never know what will happen next. Having health problems makes us seem to others to be unreliable - which of coarse not true - but we can not control when health issues will suddenly arise and stop us doing what we need to do - so yes - it is a dilemma. One day at a time is my motto thee days - as much a I would like to plan ahead it just isn't something that work for me anymore.

Ruby said...

I read all of it too! Butts I had a margarita, so there's that! BOL!!!! Oh my, Ma says I have to stop bein' a smartarse! Anyhu, I thinks you just have to start the therapy stuff again and see how it goes! Practice bein' around peeps and different situations and work some more if you have to.
We are all rooting for you guys!
Ruby ♥

Murphy said...

Yes we did read all of it. Sometimes you just need to say things and these blogs are right here with our furiends and friends stopping by every day. Besides, like you said, we are a package deal, right? We hope you dare to dream and are able to reach those dreams!

Your Pals,

Murphy & Stanley

sprinkles said...

I'm a new follower, so I had no idea you were dealing with all of this! Thanks for the background info, and congrats on making it through all of that.

I know you feel. I often feel like life is passing me by and that I'm not doing anything about it. Right now, I'm in my senior year of college, so I don't really have time to do much more than watch it pass by. But next year, I hope to have a life again!

Good for you for wanting to make changes for the better, not just for you but for the Beaglebratz as well. And I totally agree, you are ALL a team! :)

Tweedles -- that's me said...

We read every word too.. Its good you can get your words out,,,,
we understand,,, don't let things gets in your way of having fun,, keep searching for fun!

C.L.W.STEP said...

Wow! Thanks for sharing, Kim. You are a real hero for surviving all those difficult problems. Writing is good therapy, so keep it up. We love hearing about your doggies and you too!

A Tonl said...

You never want to end up and look back, asking "what if?". If you DO it, then you KNOW what the what if is! Go for it! We're cheering you on!

Two French Bulldogs said...

No we commend YOU
Lily & Edward

Taffy said...

I agree with everyone else. Do what makes you and the bratz happy!