Monday, November 9, 2009

Beagle owner's contract - part A

Shiloh Beaglebrat here.  I fergot that mom had this an'found it tuday while she wuz at werk (according to this contract that'z sumthin' she ain't suppoze tu b doin'with us Beaglebratz here.  Anyway, this iz only part of it - will post the other part later cuz it's kinda long.  Mom still haz a llloooooonnngg way tu go on duin' all this but so far, she haz never run out of sum kind of treats fer us.  There r a couple things she can git away with not duin' - like the wading pool cuz neether of us Beaglebratz r tu keen about it.

THE ESSENTIAL Beagle OWNER'S CONTRACT


I do hereby swear that I/we will abide by all the terms & conditions specified below.


Upon signing this contract I fully understand that all my Beagles dreams will be realized for ever more and they shall assume their rightful position as the center of the universe, leaving me as a mere human slave.


GENERAL CONDITIONS


• My beagless desires are always paramount. My Beagles wish is my command.


• GIVE, SHUT UP and LEAVE IT are useless requests, so I will stop using them.


• I will not yell at my Beagle for slobbering everywhere after drinking, then chase him around the house with a "drool towel."


• I will not abandon my Beagle for trivial reasons like "going to work".


• I will not yell at my Beagle for creating "chew toys" from objects they find laying around.


• I will try much harder to understand my Beagles language.


• I will never go socializing with other canines without my Beagles.


• I will set up the "kiddie wading pool" every day it is hot.


• I will not laugh at my Beagle for being confused over not being able to find the lump of ice he buried earlier in the day.


EXERCISE REQUIREMENTS AND DOGGY SOCIALIZATION


• I will not chase my Beagle around yelling COME! when he is busy socializing.


• I will not complain my arm is tired after only throwing the ball 50 times.


• I will not confuse my Beagle by throwing snowballs for him to fetch.


• I will not ask my Beagle to play fetch with a boomerang.


• I will not drag my Beagle from interesting sniffing spots during our walkies.


• I will not hide or place my Beagle's ball in a place where I know he couldn't possibly retrieve it from and then ask him to go and get it.


• I will drop whatever I am doing and take my Beagle out as soon as he asks me to.


• A little rain and a cool breeze is no excuse for not walking my Beagle.


NUTRITION AND GROOMING


• I will not run out of treats.


• I will always carry around cookies & treats and will instruct all my friends to do likewise.


• I will never eat anything until my Beagle has tasted what I have and approved it for me.


• I will share everything I eat with my Beagle.


• I will not cut my Beagles toenails ever, ever again.


• I will stop referring to my Beagle's necklace as his "choke chain".


• I will not bathe my Beagle after he has just bathed himself in mud puddles, cow pats or dead animal remains.

               More tomorrow----------------

3 comments:

Janie said...

That's a great contract... from a beagle's point of view!

Frankie Furter said...

Oh Yea Oh My Yea!!!! This is grrreat. I loved the one about the toenails and the bathing after just tending to that chore in a cow pattie or other suitable liquid or semi-solid.
I think I need to have you email this to me so I can write it up with DACHSHUND instead of Beagle.
You guys going to write up your ADOPTION stories to post on Thanksgiving day???? I hope so.

Dennis the Vizsla said...

hello beaglebratz its dennis the vizsla dog hay this is a grate kontrakt all rite!!! i am going to do find and replayse on it with the wurd vizsla!!! ok bye