Shiloh Beaglebrat here. I fergot that mom had this an'found it tuday while she wuz at werk (according to this contract that'z sumthin' she ain't suppoze tu b doin'with us Beaglebratz here. Anyway, this iz only part of it - will post the other part later cuz it's kinda long. Mom still haz a llloooooonnngg way tu go on duin' all this but so far, she haz never run out of sum kind of treats fer us. There r a couple things she can git away with not duin' - like the wading pool cuz neether of us Beaglebratz r tu keen about it.
THE ESSENTIAL Beagle OWNER'S CONTRACT
I do hereby swear that I/we will abide by all the terms & conditions specified below.
Upon signing this contract I fully understand that all my Beagles dreams will be realized for ever more and they shall assume their rightful position as the center of the universe, leaving me as a mere human slave.
• My beagless desires are always paramount. My Beagles wish is my command.
• GIVE, SHUT UP and LEAVE IT are useless requests, so I will stop using them.
• I will not yell at my Beagle for slobbering everywhere after drinking, then chase him around the house with a "drool towel."
• I will not abandon my Beagle for trivial reasons like "going to work".
• I will not yell at my Beagle for creating "chew toys" from objects they find laying around.
• I will try much harder to understand my Beagles language.
• I will never go socializing with other canines without my Beagles.
• I will set up the "kiddie wading pool" every day it is hot.
• I will not laugh at my Beagle for being confused over not being able to find the lump of ice he buried earlier in the day.
EXERCISE REQUIREMENTS AND DOGGY SOCIALIZATION
• I will not chase my Beagle around yelling COME! when he is busy socializing.
• I will not complain my arm is tired after only throwing the ball 50 times.
• I will not confuse my Beagle by throwing snowballs for him to fetch.
• I will not ask my Beagle to play fetch with a boomerang.
• I will not drag my Beagle from interesting sniffing spots during our walkies.
• I will not hide or place my Beagle's ball in a place where I know he couldn't possibly retrieve it from and then ask him to go and get it.
• I will drop whatever I am doing and take my Beagle out as soon as he asks me to.
• A little rain and a cool breeze is no excuse for not walking my Beagle.
NUTRITION AND GROOMING
• I will not run out of treats.
• I will always carry around cookies & treats and will instruct all my friends to do likewise.
• I will never eat anything until my Beagle has tasted what I have and approved it for me.
• I will share everything I eat with my Beagle.
• I will not cut my Beagles toenails ever, ever again.
• I will stop referring to my Beagle's necklace as his "choke chain".
• I will not bathe my Beagle after he has just bathed himself in mud puddles, cow pats or dead animal remains.